Expecting the unexpected…..

In the last few weeks, I’ve come to realise on more than one occasion how differently things often turn out compared to what we expect and perhaps hope for. As a first example, in the middle of January I set off from Harrow to Southend for the FA Trophy match and after half an hour of driving in pouring rain was convinced that the match would not take place. By the time I arrived in Southend the rain had stopped and the match went ahead. Absolutely not what I would have expected.

And then, during the match when the referee ran full pelt towards Paddy Almond in the second half the last thing I expected was that I would end up visiting him in hospital a few days later and in the following weeks would become close friends with Paddy and his family. To be honest, my first reaction was that Paddy had just said something untoward and he was going to be in bother! How wrong I was.

And then, the following Saturday when I drove up to Banbury in bright sunshine, heartened by the morning confirmation of “Match on” from the Banbury officials, the last thing that I expected was a tweet at 1430 saying “match off”, but it was off-whatever I might have expected.

These are just three examples. There are many others I could share, ranging from the silly to the ultra-serious. What is clear is that we can plan all we like but that doesn’t mean that things will automatically turn out that way. Neither will everything we hope for materialise. If they did, we would win every match! To be serious for a moment, one of the problems with us not being able to know with certainty what will happen in the future is it can make us anxious, and once we are anxious, then there is no chance of being able to make a rational response.

A great Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard, once defined anxiety as "the next day." We don't know what will happen "the next day," and so we become anxious today. Since there is no end to the calamities we can anticipate, this can lead to us always being uncertain and constantly chasing after something which, we hope, will decrease our level of uncertainty. Unfortunately, this never works.

One of my favourite all time songs is the Bob Marley classic, “Don’t worry, be happy”. Sometimes that is easier said than done. However, it is essential that we try otherwise we will become consumed by anxiety. For this to work in real life it is necessary to add a little P.S. to Bobbie Ferrin’s words (he wrote the song). To be able to be happy even if we are worried then we need to do something in response. Very often, the best thing that we can do is simply talk about it with a friend or member of your family. It’s natural to worry, but let’s do everything possible to avoid being consumed by anxiety. We can’t be certain about what the future will bring us, but so what; life would be so boring if we knew that Darlo would win absolutely every match. Let’s just hope for enough wins to be promoted!

Remember please, if you would like to talk to me about anything you can contact me by email at chaplain@darlingtonfc.org